Shorts
by Alone in the blight
Summary: Some unrelated drabbles within various genres.
1. It is only human to commit a sin…

**A/N: hello, I have been trying to write ANYTHING but all seemed to die at some end (like Nito's adaption services, new boss and the four knights versus the four kings) so yeah…**

**Limits, the fic where Quelana fought Salaman, will be on hiatus. Again, I have no idea what am I writing and I don't like such feeling but I will continue onward…**

** . . .  
"**My… thou art drenched in sins. 'ts be for the best if thou requesteth absolution." Were the first words Heldenmut of Berenike had heard. He found a man with a bronze mask and black tight extending his hands in odd manner smirking at him "out of my way, man of false gods, lest my great sword gut you…"

"A blasphemer have we? Thou hast committed the greatest sins by acknowledge thine faithless soul to mine. As a pardoner I may be, as well am I the goddess' blade of retribution!" but his rapier barely scratched Heldenmut's battle weary steel armour. The 'blasphemer' grinned shortly before bashing Oswald with his tower breaking his nose in the process.

"There are no gods in these lands… for we are forsaken by your false gods. if they did exist, we wouldn't have in blasted curse!" The knight of Berenike poured all of his rage in a mighty swing that broke Oswald's arm in a failed attempt to parry such blow. "Where are your gods now?"

"Right…here!" a purple glow engulfed the masked man. Once again, he primed his rapier for Heldenmut's charred chest plate. This time however, it pierced the thick armour right to his left lung. The large figure in front of the pardoner swiftly collapsed. He did not fight back though as if he had accepted his grim fate.

"Huh…and… and I thought a vicious beast would be the end of me…. not some pesky bishop. The world outside… is but a dire proof that they had abandoned us… they had abandoned us."

"I darest not to believe thy words. My goddess-"

"Your…goddess had deserted you. To rot alone in an undead church where hollows roam like vermins…I-is it a sin the see the truth? i…i…" the man's soul departed alas. Oswald closed the man eyes and said in doubt "May Velka forgives thine sins…"

. . .

_**Sucks , no? anyway curses and praises are most appreciated! **_


	2. Jokes memes misc

**A/N: the moral of the previous drabble in not to blindly believe everything. Just saying :)**

** . . .**

How did Seath betray the dragons?

_Backstabbed _them!

.

How did Sif mark his territory?

Why, Prism stones of course!

.

Darkwraith 1: can you believe it? DC had finally accepted my application!

Darkwraith 2: O RLY?

Darkwraith 1: yep, I am gonna be Green Lantern's side kick… I am gonna be… _the skull lantern!_

_._

*le me pvping in the forest*

Me : huh? *sees full giants ninja flip*

ENDURANCE OVER 9000!

.

Gaping dragon: cousin! It's your cousin, let's go roaring!

Seath: Not now Gappy -.- * continue reading a book like a gent *

.

Best protection for chosen undeads on period?

Blood shield!

.

Bad luck Brian

Asks god for cupids to help him with a girl…

ANOR LONDO ARCHERS!

_Problem?_

_._

Havel: *entering Quelaag's domain for the first time* um….. err…

Quelaag: oooh! Is that a dragon tooth in your right hand slot? Or you are just happy to see me?

.

*Dark souls logic*

Walks on **lava…**

Can't swim…

.

Yo mama….

Yo mama is sooo _fat _that once she wore ring of favor and protection, she can't take it off her finger!

Yo mama is sooo _fat _that an invader can't pull his sword back after a backstab!

Yo mama is sooo _fat _that neither Kaathe nor Frampt can wrap her to the kiln!

Yo mama is sooo _fat _that even with hush, enemies can still hear her footsteps!

Yo mama is sooo _fat_ that the asylum crow couldn't carry her!

Yo mama is sooo _fat _that she can't enter Ornstein's elevator!

Yo mama is sooo stupid that she tries to invade in Ash Lake!

Yo mama is sooo ugly that her breath curses the god damn basilisks!

.

Little known fact:

Solaire of Astora is the _OnlyAfro in _Lordan_….._

_._

A dead guy made of a thousand dead guys who died twice….

That's real fuckin Nito….

.

Dark soul flirting fails….

Ay gurl, wanna see my homeward bone?

No? How about my chaos pike?

I am gonna blow your gaping dragon with my man serpent sword!

I got two big fire balls and a fire tempest, wanna see some fireworks?

With my soul spear, I will show you some real magic!

Do you want me to pick dat great axe of yours?

.

Top FFFUUUU moments/things/npcs in dark souls…

4 kings on ng+6

Anal londo archers

PATCHES (yes, I am a cleric )

Wrath of the gods

Dark beads

Tranquil walk of fuckin peace/ stone greatsword

Kalemeet

Ghosts n Basilisks

Giant mushrooms

Stupid reassembling skeletons

Seath

Fag lag backstab/stun lock

.

_**That's it I suppose, apologies if some of these jokes were unfunny/racist/discriminating and such x3**_


	3. Lord of Cinder

_**A/N: yay another short! Do please read this whilst listening to Gwyn, lord of the cinder….it will have such an effect on you *cries***_

_** . . .**_

After all of these years….

The fog wall flickered.

A brutish man with giant's armor and a bronze mask stood before the lord of cinder. Immediately, the masked man roared "Prepare to die, old man!"

Gwyn leapt a mighty leap onto the heavily armoured man, toppling the chosen undead in the process. By all means, he was defenseless against a shell of a god. Yet, Gwyn didn't cut him half; instead, he grabbed him from his bulky neck and started talking….

"_Ahhh, so this is the man who robbed everything dear to me? You are the true monster of these lands. You killed my son, my granddaughter, my knights and my very best friend cold blooded. The very people I spent my soul for to prolong the age of fire are but souls for you to consume and to forge weapons with_. I should have killed that pygmy when I had the chance…. Come, you and I have our own destiny to fulfill."

Holding his foe, Gwyn approached the bonfire for the last time. The flames started to feed on their souls "LET GO OF ME ! LET GO OF AARRGGGGGHHHHH"

"_I am sorry….Gwynevere." _


End file.
